It’s been awhile since I last posted…but I’ve had plenty of ALONE time these past few weeks.  And as I sit here in an quiet house, all my family is a LONG distance away (Wife and 2 youngest in KC visiting grandma, oldest son now married – living and going to school in Illinois, and our next oldest son attending JCCC in Overland Park, KS)…I’ve had MANY quiet hours of solitude to reflect on the past number years…and let me just say…having THAT much time is not always good.

So…what did I spend my time reflecting on…things like:

  • How quickly our kids grow up and start life on their own…
  • Did I bring them up properly…
  • In spite of me messing up all the time…did they turn out alright…
  • What about all those personal petty decisions I made that altered the course of our lives…were they the right choices…
  • Why did I not just fight through at times when I now know I should have…instead of giving up and moving on…
  • Did I do right…relocating them SO many times (my oldest was relocated to 9 times…living in 14 different neighborhoods/homes by the time he was 18)…just to pursue MY dreams…
  • Why can’t we not be a NORMAL family (as if there IS one)…and just have time to spend together…laughing…playing…living life…
  • and on…and on…

It made me think about WHAT I’m doing….and WHY I’m doing it…

If I summed up what I really want it life…it’s pretty simple…4 things (that’s it!)

  1. I want my family to grow up loving and serving God
  2. I want to have T-I-M-E to spend growing up WITH my family (knowing who they are at each stage of life…and celebrating that)
  3. I want to be able to meet our financial obligations
  4. I want to enjoy the work I do, yet value my time at home

Now…that doesn’t sound THAT hard…but why is it then…why is it SO STINKIN’ HARD to find that balance in life that can meet those 4 simple things.

I wish I had the answers…but I don’t.

For the past 8+ years now…I’ve been struggling with finding the balance between these 4 key items.  It seems I can have 1, or 2…sometimes 3…but NEVER all 4 of them at the same time.  And, quite frankly, it’s wearing this ol’ body out chasing that balance.  The challenge really is…that not having any 1 of those 4 included…means that life is NOT right…that something MUST change in order to feel satisfied…in order to make the most of life…or family life will suffer.

  • If work suffers (not enjoying work…or too many hours)…that negatively impacts #2…but many times you need that work to fulfill #3.
  • I can enjoy work and have time with family…but then NEVER fulfill #3…have enough money to meet obligations.

Where does that elusive 4 part life hide?

If you’ve got the answers…I’m all ears…waiting to hear it…because I sure struggle with it.

I’m searching for the answers…not knowing what I’ll find…or if I’ll like the answer when I find it.

Well…that’s it for today…just some rambling thoughts…

Later…

Brett